Thursday, April 30, 2009

On this day in 1933, Willie Nelson was born… They say his friends no longer put candles on his cake, since that time his pigtails caught fire.

On this day in 1945, Hitler committed suicide with Eva Braun, the woman he’d married the day before… That marriage was even shorter than some of Cher’s.

On this day in 1974, President Nixon released edited transcripts of White House conversations… Those were made from some of the only tapes of that era without drum solos.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

On this day in 1992, a jury found four white police officers not guilty of beating Rodney King… Many L.A. residents spent the next day trying to figure out how to program a new VCR.

On this day in 1954, Jerry Seinfeld was born. He had 9 years of success with a TV sitcom about nothing… And why not? Election campaigns have been like that for decades.

On this day in 1988, Burt Reynolds became Loni Anderson’s husband… That was a role that many actors could become excited about.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

On this day in 1937, Jack Nicholson was born. When he played the Joker, he had a white face, lipstick and bright suits… Some would say he looked like Michael Jackson’s fairy godmother.

On this day in 1994, the 100th episode of "The Simpsons" aired on FOX… Today, considering all the channels it’s been syndicated to, it probably airs about a dozen times.

On this day in 1987, on a plane that was returning to Boston, from Miami, Ozzy Osbourne bought three rounds of drinks and sang Crazy Train over the PA system… Some passengers hoped their ears wouldn’t pop till he was finished.

Monday, April 27, 2009

On this day in 1986, Captain Midnight (John R MacDougall) interrupted HBO… Most people felt his language was no more risqué than what was already on the cable network.

On this day in 1896, Wallace Carothers, inventor of nylon was born… For Mary Hart, this day is right up there with Thanksgiving and Christmas.

On this day in 1981, Ringo Starr married actress Barbara Bach… Inspiring many gentlemen to take up the drums.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

On this day in 1977, the New York City disco Studio 54 opened. The music was loud… Apparently it had to be to be heard over the swishing polyester.

On this day in 1986, Arnold Schwarzenegger married Maria Shriver… It’s rumoured he bench-pressed her over the threshold.

On this day in 1975, B.J. Thomas had the longest title of a number one song at the top of the Billboard pop music chart. The song was "(Hey Won't You Play) Another Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song"Some hit songs didn’t even have that many lyrics.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

On this day in 1874, Marconi, inventor of the radio was born… In his defense, he couldn’t have possibly envisioned that it would be used to popularize Achy, Breaky Heart.

On this day in 1815, the Battle of New Orleans took place, with the city falling to the Union Forces… These days, the city only falls to party animals throwing beads at Mardi Gras.

On this day in 1932, the Harlem Globetrotter basketball star known as Meadowlark Lemon was born… Basketball fans thought of his antics as outrageous… Until they saw Dennis Rodman.

Friday, April 24, 2009

On this day in 1942, Barbra Streisand was born. Ms. Streisand is a fine actor and skilled cinematographer… She’ll walk into a 7-11 backwards if it means the security camera will catch her best side.

On this day in 1934, Shirley MacLaine was born… They say last year on her birthday, she was quite upset because none of her plants remembered.

On this day in 1969, Paul McCartney announced there was no truth to the rumour that he was dead… Today, many fans think Elvis should do the same.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

On this day in 1935, Stalin officially opened the Moscow subway… Which meant people going out for a night on the town could leave their tractors at home.

On this day in 1984, the new formula for Coca-Cola was announced, changing the most successful product in the world… That would be like Tiger Woods deciding to swing the other way.

On this day in 1928, Shirley Temple was born. She became famous as a child actor… As opposed to Jim Carrey who became famous for acting like a child.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

On this day in 1979, Keith Richards avoided a jail term for a drug conviction by performing a benefit concert for the Canadian National Institute for the Blind… It was rumoured that he became nervous when a seeing-eye dog started barking at his guitar case.

On this day in 1451, Spanish Queen Isabella I was born. She funded the 1st voyage of Christopher Columbus to the New World… To put that into today’s terms, it would be like Hillary co-signing a check so Bill could buy a bass boat.

On this day in 1959, an Australian landed the biggest great white shark ever caught on a rod. It was 16’ 10” and 2664 lbs… Of course, he told his friends that it was 20’ and 3,000 lbs.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

On this day in 1836, General Sam Houston won independence for Texas from Mexico by defeating Mexican troops… If things had worked out differently, there could have been an NFL team called the Cancun Cowboys.

On this day in 1926, Queen Elizabeth II was born… To honour the special day, it’s rumoured that Prince Charles will present her with a Lay-Z-Boy reclining throne.

On this day in 1782, the 1st Kindergarten was founded by German educator Friedrich Froebel… They say the toughest thing about German child care is the diaper rash from the leather shorts.

Monday, April 20, 2009

On this day in 1968, Pierre Elliott Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada. While in office, he dated Barbra Streisand… Some thought there could have been another sequel to Funny Girl after Funny Lady… Called Funny First Lady?

On this day in 1989, scientists announced the successful testing of high-definition TV… Some feel it’s unnecessary when you can’t find a channel that isn’t airing The Simpsons.

On this day in 1879, the 1st horse drawn mobile home was used in a journey from London to Cyprus… Back then, emission control devices were simply called “shovels.”

Sunday, April 19, 2009

On this day in 1946, the New York Yankees switched from the 3rd base dugout to the 1st base dugout… When their fans move around, chances are it’s for the Witness Relocation Program.

On this day in 1852, The California Historical Society was founded… This has enlightened some students in California who believe that their ancestors hunted with Frisbees.

On this day in 1764, the English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing paper money… George W’s administration would have had particular issues with that.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

On this day in 1934, the 1st Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, Texas… There was confusion because back then some folks thought that if a man saw a lady’s undergarments, he should marry her.

On this day in 1775, Paul Revere rode from Charleston to Lexington shouting “the British are coming!”… Remember, this was centuries before email.

On this day in 1956, Prince Rainier married Grace Kelly, giving up his chance to become King… Today some men marry, and all they have to give up is Monday Night Football.

Friday, April 17, 2009

On this day in 1521, Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church… And he wasn’t even a TV evangelist.

On this day in 1964, The Rolling Stones released their 1st LP… With some bands, the trend is after releasing a successful 1st LP, they then release their 1st wives.

On this day in 1983, Nolan Ryan struck out his 3,500th batter… If he threw out the 1st pitch of a game today, he could probably stay in for about 7 innings.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

On this day in 1889, actor Charlie Chaplain was born. Early in his career, he established himself as the “little tramp”… Not to be confused with Britney Spears, of course.

On this day in 1867, Wilbur Wright was born. The challenge of an airplane is to keep it up… While the challenge of airplane food may be to keep it down.

On this day in 1947, basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was born, growing to a height of 7’2”… They say even when he flew coach, his feet were in 1st class.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

On this day in 1955, the 1st McDonald’s opened… That was back in the days when their milkshakes actually contained milk… It’s hard to imagine the sign under the golden arches saying “none served yet.”

On this day in 1975, the San Diego Chicken appeared for the 1st time… Many drumstick-watchers still preferred the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

On this day in 1992, hotel mogul Leona Helmsley was jailed for tax evasion… They say her lawyer advised her to just think of her sentence as a “confirmed reservation.”

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

On this day in 1969, the 1st major league baseball game outside the US was played in Montreal… If the separatists had their way, games in Montreal would have been outside Canada.

On this day in 1956, the 1st videotape was demonstrated in Chicago… It’s rumoured that there was a $2 charge because they forgot to rewind it.

On this day in 1983, the 1st cordless phone went on sale in Britain… But Benny Hill still managed to trip over it.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

On this day in 1969, the 1st major league baseball game outside the US was played in Montreal… If the separatists had their way, games in Montreal would have been outside Canada.

On this day in 1956, the 1st videotape was demonstrated in Chicago… It’s rumoured that there was a $2 charge because they forgot to rewind it.

On this day in 1983, the 1st cordless phone went on sale in Britain… But Benny Hill still managed to trip over it.

Monday, April 13, 2009

On this day in 1860, the Pony Express made its 1st mail delivery... Back in the days of the Wild West, it was actually a good idea for postal workers to carry guns.

This day in 837 marked the best view of Halley’s Comet in 200 years, according to astrologists… And Shirley MacLaine agrees.

On this day in 1808, William Henry Lane perfected tap dancing… Chances are back then, anyone moon walking would’ve been arrested for witchcraft.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

On this day in 1961, Douglas MacArthur declined an offer to become baseball commissioner… Some thought with his fighting experience, he was holding out for a position with the NHL.

On this day in 1922, Tiny Tim was born. He recorded TipToe Through The Tulips, proving a singer could have a hit even though his voice apparently didn’t change… And this was years before Michael Jackson.

On this day in 1954, Bill Haley recorded Rock Around The ClockMusic critics say it looses something today if your clock is digital.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

On this day in 1981, Valerie Bertinelli married Eddie Van Halen. It’s probably tough for parents to see their daughter marry a rock musician… Unless he’s a multi-millionaire.

On this day in 1936, The SPEBSQSA (Society for the Preservation and Encouragement of Barber Shop Quartet Singing in America) was founded… Most music fans today agree that their biggest contribution to pop music was to make the accordion seem somewhat less geeky.

On this day in 1970, Paul McCartney announced a "temporary break with the Beatles"... Most Beatles fans would have preferred that statement to come from Yoko.

Friday, April 10, 2009

On this day in 1849, the safety pin was patented… Before that, there was a fine line between diapering and acupuncture.

On this day in 1912, the Titanic set sail for its fateful voyage. The movie Titanic affected many young men… After seeing the relationship between Rose and Jack, they considered taking up pencil sketching.

On this day in 1979, James Brown played at the Grand Ole Opry… Some folks expected him to play Papa’s Got A Brand New Saddle Bag.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

On this day in 1926, Hugh Hefner was born. During his career as the editor-in-chief of Playboy, he lounged around the Playboy Mansion in pajamas, entertaining friends… Which makes some wonder what he’s been doing since he retired.

On this day in 1970, Paul McCartney announced the official split of The Beatles… It was rumoured that the next day, Ringo sent his resume to The Rolling Stones.

On this day in 1932, Carl Perkins was born. He became rich just from writing Blue Suede ShoesUnlike Madonna, who became rich partly from wearing just blue suede shoes.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

On this day in 1513, Ponce De Leon landed at what is now St. Augustine, Florida in search of the Fountain of Youth… These days most folks visiting Florida are just trying to find a Denny’s without a lineup.

On this day in 1974, Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run, breaking Babe Ruth’s career record of 714… Barry Bonds was 9 at the time, and probably the only supplements he was on then were Flintstone vitamins.

On this day in 1973, Picasso died. He’s best known for his unusual abstract style called “cubism”… For those unfamiliar with cubism, just imagine Michael Jackson with pillow hair.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

On this day in 1853, chloroform was used as an anesthetic on Queen Victoria, during the birth of her eighth child, Prince Leopold… It was suggested that during her last days in Windsor Castle, Fergie used it just to have tea with Queen Elizabeth.

On this day in 1963, Yugoslavia’s new constitution established Josip Tito as president for life… To anxious American Democrats, George W’s term just seemed that long.

On this day in 1787, a 17-year-old Beethoven impressed Mozart with his piano playing… Jerry Lee Lewis’s playing would have probably frightened him.

Monday, April 6, 2009

On this day in 1874, escape artist Harry Houdini escaped… From his mother’s womb.

On this day in 1909, Robert Edwin Peary reached the North Pole by dogsled… The main difference between dogsled and snowmobile is that when you drive past a cat, it’s much easier to steer a snowmobile.

On this day in 1937, Merle Haggard was born… They say he was a forerunner to Brooks & Dunn, except in Merle’s jeans, you couldn’t see a pulse.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

On this day in 1725, the famous Italian lover Giovanni Casanova was born… He was sort of an eighteenth century Warren Beatty… Apparently, Shirley MacLaine claims to be his brother, too.

On this day in 1937, Colin Powell was born… He’ll probably celebrate today relaxing by watering his ferns… In his Navy SEAL wetsuit, with a super soaker.

On this day in 1960, Ben Hur won 10 Oscars. Movies were different then… At that time, the director had to fight to be able to film even the horses naked.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

On this day in 1963, The Beatles had all of the top 5 singles: Can’t Buy Me Love, Twist and Shout, She Loves You, I Want To Hold Your Hand, and Please Please MeCoincidentally, all of those phrases have been used in text memos from Madonna to her pool boy.

On this day in 1877, a pianist in Philadelphia performed for an audience in New York, over the telephone… That was probably the very 1st “on hold” music.

On this day in 1975, rocker Steve Miller was arrested for burning his girlfriend’s clothes… Some guys will do anything to get out of doing laundry.

Friday, April 3, 2009

On this day in 1860, the Pony Express began. To put it into perspective for computer geeks… It was even slower than email on dial-up.

On this day in 1924, actor Marlon Brando was born… Strangely, one of his last onscreen kisses was with Larry King.

On this day in 1961, Eddie Murphy was born. In The Nutty Professor, he played someone who could radically change weight quickly… At the time they said the film was loosely based on Oprah.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

On this day in 1834, Frederic Bartholdi, creator of the Statue of Liberty was born… They say the statue’s nose took fewer man-hours to shape than Michael Jackson’s.

On this day in 1512, Ponce de Leon discovered Florida while searching for the fountain of youth… Many people still go there searching for the fountain of youth, but settle for the $2.95 breakfast.

On this day in 1908, Buddy Ebsen was born. He played Jed Clampit on The Beverly Hillbillies, a back-woods millionaire with more money than smarts… Some would say a taller Ross Perot.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

This day in 1865 marked the last major battle of The Civil War, called Battle of Five Forks… Not to be confused with the time Ken Starr accidentally reached for President Clinton’s pastry silverware.

On this day in 1876, Boston beat Philadelphia 6-5 in the 1st National League baseball game… Back then you could take a couple kids to a ballpark without a co-signer.

On this day in 1960, the US launched the 1st weather satellite Tiros 1, which transmitted 22,952 pictures of cloud cover… Making most people feel better about their vacation pictures that didn’t turn out.