Monday, August 31, 2009

On this day in 1949, Richard Gere was born. In Pretty woman, he was the actor who played a man attracted to a character played by scantily-clad Julia Roberts… If that can be considered acting.

On this day in 1900, Coca-Cola went on sale in Britain… Although there was nearly an international incident when the bubbles tickled the Queen Mother’s nose.

On this day in 1969, Bob Dylan appeared in concert for the first time in 3 years following a motorcycle accident… Ironically, for a few seconds after impact, Bob was “blowin’ in the wind.”

Friday, August 28, 2009

On this day in 1938, Northwestern U awarded an honorary degree to the ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy… UNLV applicants should take this with a grain of salt.

On this day in 1981, John Hinckley pleaded innocent to trying to kill President Reagan. He was trying to impress Jodie Foster… He now realizes that he should have said it with flowers.

On this day in 1939, the first TV broadcast of Major League Baseball took place on WZXBS in New York… Apparently they could only show the pitchers from the waist up, due to cup adjustments.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

On this day in 1748, an opera of the story of Pygmalion premiered in Paris… It involves a statue coming to life… Much like when Al Gore tries to dance.

On this day in 1981, divers began to recover a safe found aboard the Andrea Doria… It was pretty routine… No naked pencil sketchings.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

On this day in 1920, American women were granted the right to vote… Of course to do so, they also had to admit their age.

On this day in 1907, Houdini escaped from chains underwater in 57 seconds… They say he still had trouble opening pickle jars like the rest of us though.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

On this day in 1989, British Telecom launched the world’s 1st pocketphone… The only drawback was that if you hung up on somebody too hard, you could really hurt yourself.

On this day in 1920, Ray Bradbury was born. He’s known for his bizarre short stories… He could probably have made it as a political speech writer, too.

Friday, August 21, 2009

On this day in 1959, Hawaii became the 50th state, the only one composed entirely of islands… Although some predict an earthquake could turn California into a bunch of islands.

On this day in 1904, Count Basie was born… You’re officially rusty on your jazz history if you think Count Basie was a vampire.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

On this day in 1948, Led Zeppelin’s singer Robert Plant was born… By the way, rock’n’roll seems to have borrowed an idea from golf… Senior’s tours.

On this day in 1931, Don King was born. As we age, we tend to shrink… But Don compensates for this with his hairstyle.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

On this day in 1931, jockey Bill Shoemaker was born. He became the oldest jockey to win The Kentucky Derby at age 54… He’s actually worked in silks more than the guys from Queer Eye For The Straight Guy.

On this day in 1946 former President Bill Clinton was born… It was only after blowing out his birthday candles that he admitted that he “did inhale.”

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

On this day in 1960, the 1st oral contraceptive was marketed… It turned out to be almost as effective as the combination of hair curlers and horn-rimmed glasses.

On this day in 1952, Patrick Swayze was born. He starred in Dirty DancingIf you’re not familiar with the style of dirty dancing, just imagine a high-impact foxtrot.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

On this day in 1860, Annie Oakley was born. She could shoot a cigarette between her husband’s lips at 30 paces… The Surgeon General most likely determined that was even more effective than a nicotine patch… Coincidentally, he never forgot their anniversary.

On this day in 1899, Alfred Hitchcock was born. His scene in Psycho made people afraid of being attacked in a shower… Before that, people were just afraid of a burst of hot water from someone flushing the toilet.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

On this day in 1880, Christy Mathewson was born. He pitched three shutouts in the 1905 World Series… Today there may be major leagues pitchers who haven’t pitched three shutouts in the bullpen.

On this day in 1851, Isaac Singer received a patent for his sewing machine. He started his business in Boston with $40… Today you can barely park in Boston for $40.

On this day in 1932, Porter Wagoner was born. He discovered Dolly Parton… Although it could be argued that Dolly would have been hard to miss.

Monday, August 10, 2009

On this day in 1889, the screw bottle cap was patented… When it was introduced in some areas there was a label on the bottom of the bottle that read Open Other End.

On this day in 1959, Rosanna Arquette was born. It’s rumoured that Toto’s song Rosanna was written about her… It’s also rumoured that Queen’s hit Another One Bites The Dust is about Hollywood marriages.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

On this day in 1803, the 1st horses arrived in Hawaii… Apparently they tried to eat the grass skirts, but the ladies were used to that behaviour from salesman conventions.

On this day in 1979, Britain’s 1st nude beach was established in Brighton… They say Prince Charles could attend, but still be considered “all ears”… And that if Queen Elizabeth sunbathed there and wanted to remain incognito, she simply wouldn’t wave.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

On this day in 1930, artist/movie producer Andy Warhol was born. He said everybody would be famous for 15 minutes… Many people feel that Paris Hilton’s time must be up by now.

On this day in 1978, Odie 1st appeared in Garfield’s comic strip… If you sent him a birthday card, you may have too much time on your hands.

Friday, August 7, 2009

On this day in 1926, Britain’s 1st Grand Prix was held. The winning car reached 71.61 MPH… These days, valet parking is faster than that.

On this day in 1876, Mata Hari, the dancer/spy was born… By the way, when cornered, the Can-can is an effective means of self-defense.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

On this day in 1911, Lucille Ball was born. She was one of the 1st people to become rich by playing dumb on TV… Since then, the act has been mastered by politicians.

On this day in 1890, the 1st execution in an electric chair took place… To picture it, just imagine a Lay-Z-Boy Bug Zapper.

On this day in 1497, John Cabot returned to London after discovering Canada’s Cape Breton Island, but thinking he had found Asia… That’s nothing, considering the entire population of California thinks it’s in Heaven.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

On this day in 1930, Neil Armstrong was born. He’s famous for being the 1st man to walk on the moon… Even though an entire MTV generation believes “moonwalking” was pioneered by Michael Jackson.

On this day in 1861, the 1st US federal income tax became law. In those days, a dollar went further… The trick became keeping it away from Washington.

On this day in 1936, Adolf Hitler left the Olympics in a huff after Jesse Owens won gold in the 200 metre final, disproving the F├╝hrer’s racist theory of Aryan superiority… That low rumbling we hear during the NBA playoffs is Hitler spinning in his grave.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

On this day in 1900, Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother was born… And suddenly, the Royal Family had more than the changing of the guard to deal with.

On this day in 1892, Sunday school teacher Lizzie Borden was arrested for a double homicide…
Unlike O.J., if she tried to flee with a white bronco, it would have actually been a horse.

Monday, August 3, 2009

On this day in 1958, the USS Nautilus, the 1st nuclear sub, passed under the North Pole… And for a couple of week after, Rudolph had a green nose.

On this day in 1926, Tony Bennett was born. He’s perhaps best known for I Left My Heart In San FranciscoActually, many people start misplacing things well before their 80s.

On this day in 1926, England’s 1st traffic lights were used… Which meant that British women drivers were suddenly going through more makeup.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

On this day in 1978, Neil Young married Pegi Morton… It was very formal - Neil wore a black bandana.

On this day in 1924, black American novelist James Baldwin was born. He wrote that civil rights problems derive from the insecurity of white people… The KKK’s opinion was that under their hoods, they’re as individual and secure as the next guy.

On this day in 1990, Iraq invaded Kuwait… At the time, apparently Saddam Hussein just thought of it as “the mother of all field trips.”

Saturday, August 1, 2009

On this day in 1498, Christopher Columbus mistook the American mainland for an island and called it Santa Isla… You have to remember this was centuries before Information Booths.

On this day in 1779, Francis Scott Key was born. He wrote the words to The Star Spangled Banner after a battle in the War of 1812. Later, the melody from an English drinking song was added… Maybe this is why it seems so appropriate for the start of sporting events.