Saturday, May 1, 2010

On this day in 1967, Elvis Presley married Priscilla… Invited guests claimed it was the 1st time they’d ever had wedding cake with gravy.

On this day in 1931, the Empire State Building was completed. In the movie, King Kong, it took fighter planes to get him off of it… Today, he could probably be lured off with a Nike contract.

On this day in 2000, the "Barbie for President" doll was released in stores… Some Republicans feel that this foreshadowed Hillary’s campaign.

Friday, April 30, 2010

On this day in 1933, Willie Nelson was born… They say his friends no longer put candles on his cake, since that time his pigtails caught fire.

On this day in 1945, Hitler committed suicide with Eva Braun, the woman he’d married the day before… That marriage was even shorter than some of Cher’s.

On this day in 1974, President Nixon released edited transcripts of White House conversations… Those were made from some of the only tapes of that era without drum solos.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

On this day in 1937, Jack Nicholson was born. When he played the Joker, he had a white face, lipstick and bright suits… Some would say he looked like Lady Gaga's fairy godmother.

On this day in 1994, the 100th episode of "The Simpsons" aired on FOX… Today, considering all the channels it’s been syndicated to, it probably airs about a dozen times.

On this day in 1987, on a plane that was returning to Boston, from Miami, Ozzy Osbourne bought three rounds of drinks and sang Crazy Train over the PA system… Some passengers hoped their ears wouldn’t pop till he was finished.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

On this day in 1986, Captain Midnight (John R MacDougall) interrupted HBO… Most people felt his language was no more risqué than what was already on the cable network.

On this day in 1896, Wallace Carothers, inventor of nylon was born… For Mary Hart, this day is right up there with Thanksgiving and Christmas.

On this day in 1981, Ringo Starr married actress Barbara Bach… Inspiring many gentlemen to take up the drums.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

On this day in 1836, General Sam Houston won independence for Texas from Mexico by defeating Mexican troops… If things had worked out differently, there could have been an NFL team called the Cancun Cowboys.

On this day in 1926, Queen Elizabeth II was born… To honour the special day, it’s rumoured that Prince Charles will present her with a Lay-Z-Boy reclining throne.

On this day in 1782, the 1st Kindergarten was founded by German educator Friedrich Froebel… They say the toughest thing about German child care is the diaper rash from the leather shorts.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

On this day in 1968, Pierre Elliott Trudeau became Prime Minister of Canada. While in office, he dated Barbra Streisand… Some thought there could have been another sequel to Funny Girl after Funny Lady… Called Funny First Lady?

On this day in 1989, scientists announced the successful testing of high-definition TV… Some feel it’s unnecessary when you can’t find a channel that isn’t airing The Simpsons.

On this day in 1879, the 1st horse drawn mobile home was used in a journey from London to Cyprus… Back then, emission control devices were simply called “shovels.”

Monday, April 19, 2010

On this day in 1946, the New York Yankees switched from the 3rd base dugout to the 1st base dugout… When their fans move around, chances are it’s for the Witness Relocation Program.

On this day in 1852, The California Historical Society was founded… This has enlightened some students in California who believe that their ancestors hunted with Frisbees.

On this day in 1764, the English Parliament banned the American colonies from printing paper money… George W’s administration would have had particular issues with that.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

On this day in 1934, the 1st Laundromat opened in Fort Worth, Texas… There was confusion because back then some folks thought that if a man saw a lady’s undergarments, he should marry her.

On this day in 1775, Paul Revere rode from Charleston to Lexington shouting “the British are coming!”… Remember, this was centuries before email.

On this day in 1956, Prince Rainier married Grace Kelly, giving up his chance to become King… Today some men marry, and all they have to give up is Monday Night Football.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

On this day in 1521, Martin Luther was excommunicated from the Roman Catholic Church… And he wasn’t even a TV evangelist.

On this day in 1964, The Rolling Stones released their 1st LP… With some bands, the trend is after releasing a successful 1st LP, they then release their 1st wives.

On this day in 1983, Nolan Ryan struck out his 3,500th batter… If he threw out the 1st pitch of a game today, he could probably stay in for about 7 innings.

Friday, April 16, 2010

On this day in 1889, actor Charlie Chaplain was born. Early in his career, he established himself as the “little tramp”… Not to be confused with Britney Spears, of course.

On this day in 1867, Wilbur Wright was born. The challenge of an airplane is to keep it up… While the challenge of airplane food may be to keep it down.

On this day in 1947, basketball star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was born, growing to a height of 7’2”… They say even when he flew coach, his feet were in 1st class.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

On this day in 1955, the 1st McDonald’s opened… That was back in the days when their milkshakes actually contained milk… It’s hard to imagine the sign under the golden arches saying “none served yet.”

On this day in 1975, the San Diego Chicken appeared for the 1st time… Many drumstick-watchers still preferred the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders.

On this day in 1992, hotel mogul Leona Helmsley was jailed for tax evasion… They say her lawyer advised her to just think of her sentence as a “confirmed reservation.”

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

On this day in 1969, the 1st major league baseball game outside the US was played in Montreal… If the separatists had their way, games in Montreal would have been outside Canada.

On this day in 1956, the 1st videotape was demonstrated in Chicago… It’s rumoured that there was a $2 charge because they forgot to rewind it.

On this day in 1983, the 1st cordless phone went on sale in Britain… But Benny Hill still managed to trip over it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

On this day in 1860, the Pony Express made its 1st mail delivery... Back in the days of the Wild West, it was actually a good idea for postal workers to carry guns.

This day in 837 marked the best view of Halley’s Comet in 200 years, according to astrologists… And Shirley MacLaine agrees.

On this day in 1808, William Henry Lane perfected tap dancing… Chances are back then, anyone moon walking would’ve been arrested for witchcraft.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

On this day in 1849, the safety pin was patented… Before that, there was a fine line between diapering and acupuncture.

On this day in 1912, the Titanic set sail for its fateful voyage. The movie Titanic affected many young men… After seeing the relationship between Rose and Jack, they considered taking up pencil sketching.

On this day in 1979, James Brown played at the Grand Ole OprySome folks expected him to play Papa’s Got A Brand New Saddle Bag.

Friday, April 8, 2010

On this day in 1926, Hugh Hefner was born. During his career as the editor-in-chief of Playboy, he lounged around the Playboy Mansion in pajamas, entertaining friends… Which makes some wonder what he’s been doing since he retired.

On this day in 1970, Paul McCartney announced the official split of The Beatles… It was rumoured that the next day, Ringo sent his resume to The Rolling Stones.

On this day in 1932, Carl Perkins was born. He became rich just from writing Blue Suede ShoesUnlike Madonna, who became rich partly from wearing just blue suede shoes.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

On this day in 1513, Ponce De Leon landed at what is now St. Augustine, Florida in search of the Fountain of Youth… These days most folks visiting Florida are just trying to find a Denny’s without a lineup.

On this day in 1974, Hank Aaron hit his 715th home run, breaking Babe Ruth’s career record of 714… Barry Bonds was 9 at the time, and probably the only supplements he was on then were Flintstone vitamins.

On this day in 1973, Picasso died. He’s best known for his unusual abstract style called “cubism”… For those unfamiliar with cubism, just imagine Michael Jackson with pillow hair.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

On this day in 1853, chloroform was used as an anesthetic on Queen Victoria, during the birth of her eighth child, Prince Leopold… It was suggested that during her last days in Windsor Castle, Fergie used it just to have tea with Queen Elizabeth.

On this day in 1963, Yugoslavia’s new constitution established Josip Tito as president for life… To anxious American Democrats, George W’s term just seemed that long.

On this day in 1787, a 17-year-old Beethoven impressed Mozart with his piano playing… Jerry Lee Lewis’s playing would have probably frightened him.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

On this day in 1963, The Beatles had all of the top 5 singles: Can’t Buy Me Love, Twist and Shout, She Loves You, I Want To Hold Your Hand, and Please Please MeCoincidentally, all of those phrases have been used in text memos from Madonna to her pool boy.

On this day in 1877, a pianist in Philadelphia performed for an audience in New York, over the telephone… That was probably the very 1st “on hold” music.

On this day in 1975, rocker Steve Miller was arrested for burning his girlfriend’s clothes… Some guys will do anything to get out of doing laundry.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

On this day in 1860, the Pony Express began. To put it into perspective for computer geeks… It was even slower than email on dial-up.

On this day in 1924, actor Marlon Brando was born… Strangely, one of his last onscreen kisses was with Larry King.

On this day in 1961, Eddie Murphy was born. In The Nutty Professor, he played someone who could radically change weight quickly… At the time they said the film was loosely based on Oprah.

Friday, April 2, 2010

On this day in 1834, Frederic Bartholdi, creator of the Statue of Liberty was born… They say the statue’s nose took fewer man-hours to shape than Michael Jackson’s.

On this day in 1512, Ponce de Leon discovered Florida while searching for the fountain of youth… Many people still go there searching for the fountain of youth, but settle for the $2.95 breakfast.

On this day in 1908, Buddy Ebsen was born. He played Jed Clampit on The Beverly Hillbillies, a back-woods millionaire with more money than smarts… Some would say a taller Ross Perot.